What if I’m wrong?

Maybe I’m too critical of the customs and traditions of humanity.

Perhaps this is too simple to analyze; I am being unfair. People should feel, and accept, the innate order of things. Holidays are real. Nothing is fake or imagined. I should acknowledge that, and move on.

For some reason, I can’t figure out exactly how to do that. And it’s funny because I’m typically a very compliant person. I don’t bring up these ideas in real-life conversation. What’s depicted here is vastly different from the me that people know. I would be embarrassed if anyone found this page. My character represents someone who wants to go with the flow, and not cause disruption. I always score very high in agreeableness on those personality tests I take. And then on here, I represent the opposite.

Doesn’t everyone think this way though? Deep down? Even if they don’t speak it, they must wonder, and be privy to, the absolute bizarreness of human life. Well, not so much biologically speaking, but more on the sociological and anthropological side. As a child, I know I used to be shocked learning of other cultures. I couldn’t believe how differently other people lived, and in some cases, I considered it wrong. Then that perspective turned inward, and I started noticing the fragility of my own cultural traditions and expectations. Those were made up and designed by other people; they weren’t inherently right nor wrong. Given this, I have to believe that everyone is at least somewhat aware of the subjective constructs of life, even if they don’t specifically apply it to their own routines. And to clarify, I am not saying it’s okay to culturally shame other people, or judge them for how they live. I’m speaking more on a self-focused philosophical standpoint. Although, maybe I shouldn’t even say that. I don’t think it’s necessary to live in perpetual doubt and mistrust of the norms you participate in. I do think it’s good to examine them at least once, but I can’t say I advocate for anyone to fall in the hole that is existentialism. I guess I’m trying to justify here that my thoughts aren’t entirely foreign; however, as I think it’s normal to at least question some of the things humans do, at least some of the time.

Now I’m feeling that this is getting unnecessarily tangled, and a bit annoying to read. I get feelings like that often when I try to work through things with words. That’s part of the reason I shy away from divulging this information with those around me. Because I don’t think this is logical nor productive. I get stuck wondering “but why..?” all the time, while everyone else appears to keep moving forward without hesitation. Of course, I know everyone has their individual setbacks and hang-ups. I know there are many trials and obstacles that people face. I am not the only one who wonders why. It’s funny, though, how isolating human existence can be at times. With 7 billion people alive right now, statistically speaking, there must be at least one other person that thinks the same way I do, if not hundreds or thousands or millions. These questions are even welcomed within the halls of academia, and there’s plenty of literature. I mean, isn’t that the whole essence of religion? To understand the why, the plan, the meaning of life? This reinforces the idea that I think everyone does wonder the why of life, at least sometimes. And many do go to the depths that I have.

Am I wrong to wonder why? Is it wrong to want to know? When I know realistically that a solid answer can never be discovered? Humans just are. Life just is. Sure, there are holidays and yearly traditions that people cling to. Religious texts and meetings bring comfort. Watching and playing sports can be cathartic and emotionally boosting. These are the things that people can use to cope. Or to just have fun. Or to feel good. Who am I to question the validity of that? It is not bizarre. It is human.

No, I am not wrong. And no one is.

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